Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for...

1. For the cooling of the weather - I'm not a high temperatures girl.
2. For having caught up with great friends in the past week.
3. For kicking my own ass back to the gym
4. Love, in its many shapes and sizes
5. The inner strength that allowed me to end up on this path instead of somewhere truly dark.

Daily Draw

"It has come time to completely involve yourself - you have been holding back, only going so far with a new project, with a commitment to yourself, always pulling back at the last moment from taking the step."

Hmm...I believe I'm seeing a large 2x4 to the head with all these cards this week.  Obviously the universe seems to feel that I'm procrastinating and not taking that leap that I keep saying I'm going to take.  I know it is fear that is holding me back.  Maybe this time I'll head the signs and take the steps...

Daily Draw

"There is such a challenging choice to be made at the moment...So Choose. Act. Get clear, stay open and calm, and the decision will come.  But the choice, this card insists, must be made - no more compromise on this."

This card is all about the tough choices - needing to choose a path instead of trying to do it all - don't I know about this in my life.  I'm also an amazing procrastinator and I think this plays a part here too.  I need to recognize that those things left behind will do just fine without me.

Interestingly enough a second card dropped out of my deck while shuffling that I didn't even notice until I moved my keyboard and found it sitting there.

"A deliberate effort to move away from naval-gazing and procrastination by self-analysis will transform into a determination to become through doing, and thinking, and being, and sharing and insisting on the new realities truths for you."

A double kick in the pants maybe?  Or a clarifier as to which area of my life the first draw is referring to.  There is definitely a need for me to take a dive here - I know the plunge will be worth the reward, but still I procrastinate and am perhaps in a little fear also.

Daily Draw

"You must take a great journey upstream to find the place where you will prosper and flower and grow into Dragonhood - you will be most prosperous, most successful, and most importantly, a great mentor when that climb has been undertaken.  Begin it now."

Time to move on, I've had a few doubts lately about decisions I've made but I think the main focus here is that as hard as the journey can be I have to keep moving on.  I have to step out of the shallow waters that I've been swimming in and head on my own journey.

Meditation Monday

Thought to ponder today.  How do you balance having what will make your soul happy and doing what will pay the bills?  For me more specifically, the balance between knowing you have responsibilities to pay the bills etc and therefore must work a job that sucks the soul out of you and doing what you love.

I hear a lot about how you should follow what makes you happy no matter what - but how does one honestly do that, especially in today's economy.  At what point does the practical and the desired balance out?  I hold it as highly important that I pay all my bills and have the ability to do things I enjoy in life, in order to do that in this economy I have to work a job that pays the bills over one that I am passionate about.  Is this selling out?  Or is it be sensible?  Are they opposing ideas?  I have previously in my life managed to have both - to be working the job I love and have the financial security, but my current location doesn't allow for that.  So I give up what I love for what pays the bills.

I guess the point is it actually makes me a little mad when I get people telling me that "If I just focus hard enough and put it to the universe I will be able to have both."  Sorry I call BS on that.  If we all got what we wanted just by putting enough thought into it there would be a whole different world out there.  And besides, the people who usually tell me this are living lives I would not want to emulate.  I don't want to be dependent on someone else to pay my bills, I don't want to have debt, I don't want to lose my house.  I do feel a sense of social responsibility to actually go out and make a living and pay my way in the world.

I'm not doing what I love right now - but I'm working towards it.  I'm getting my Masters and we are moving countries in 15months.  Its a long term goal, its a practical goal.  My life isn't overly balanced right now because of it, and there are times I rant and rave and gnash my teeth over that, but it is the way the world works.

Daily Draw

It is time to rediscover something once discarded.

This one always challenges me - because I deliberately don't reflect on what parts of my childhood I actually do remember.  I think the drive here is twofold.  First, that there are happy memories in the past and its worth recalling them.  Second, that embracing the inner child is also important.