Well it is a gloomy rainy spring equinox today and I love it. Don't get me wrong, I love sunshine I even love spring (except for the whole allergy thing) but I also love a dark rainy day when the earth is a little quieter, and you have time to pause. Everyone seems to move a little slower on those days, be a little quieter, it is a chance for us and for the earth to just breathe, take in nourishment and prepare for the blossoming ahead. We need the rain too, which doesn't hurt :) I'll admit that I prefer studying on days like today as well because I don't have to look outside and see the sunshine and the world coming to life again and feel annoyed that I can't get out there and enjoy it.
I'm having issues connecting with Ostara this year, heck, I'm having issues connecting to much of anything right now. This is the downside to doing one's thesis - your mindset gets so involved in the study and the stress that you tend to lose track of the world around you. I couldn't even tell you what phase the moon was in right now without taking a look online, I barely note the passing of time either. What sucks the most about this is my body, my soul, my very being is tugging at me, demanding quite vocally that now is the time to cast off and dive deep, to explore and nurture, to embrace the dark and find my own light and yet I'm having to put it off. Just a little longer, just until school is done - and I know, deep down do I know, that something is waiting for me, she isn't happy about waiting, and she's going to make me pay for putting her on the back burner. I'm going to be worked hard, no gentle exploration, no easy ride. But what can I do. So I do what I can, the little things to keep me connected, and I acknowledge her presence in the peripheral, and I will surrender myself to her lessons - as soon as I get my thesis done, and I hope she will be patient enough with me until then.