Tuesday, March 12, 2013

When is a god the right god?

When is a god the right god?

I have addressed this topic before, and I'm also fairly certain that I've stated it is a constantly evolving process for me.  Well the ideas are running around in my head again, questions seem to outweigh the answers as they usually do.  Not sure if I'm fighting knowledge out of fear or just really don't know.

I've felt a pull towards the Morrigan even since I went to PCon.  Okay, that is actually a lie, I've felt a pull towards her for a very long time but I've usually brushed it off.  You see I've had this thing about  feeling drawn to any of the 'mainstream' gods as I think of them.  Those deities that everyone, especially the new, claim as their patrons.  Why do I push against it?  I think it is because I feel that most of those who I've encounted that claim to connect to these deities are really only superficially claiming an association, they think its cool or that because they're a witch they must revere Hecate or things along those lines and I refuse to be a part of it.  Last year I had the pleasure of reading about peoples experiences through the Pagan Blog Project with some of these more 'mainstream' gods that began to open my eyes to the other side of it (which, I knew was there but hadn't experienced yet), those who truly took their connection as a deep and meaningful thing that shaped their lives and their practice.  I think this opened me up more to listening to these calls more.

So great, step one conquered.  Now I'm at stumbling block 2, my connection specifically with the Morrigan. I had a truly amazing experience at PCon at the Morrigan Devotional, it was powerful and I experienced the most vivid visions throughout.  I haven't been able to get her out of my mind since.  But now I'm questioning myself - am I feeling this renewed connection with her because I'm open to it now, or am I transferring my amazing experience onto this deity and trying to force a connection that isn't there?  In case you haven't noticed I spend a great deal of time doubting my thoughts until I can convince myself of their basis.  It is a flaw that I need to work on, healthy questioning is fine, constant lack of faith in ones intuition is not.

I have definitely been feeling the push towards the darker goddesses lately.  It is a sign of my current journey.   So the Morrigan to me fits in with this pattern.  I guess the only way to truly know is to spend some time reaching out.  So this week that is what I aim to do.  To meditate and reach out and see if what I'm feeling is truth or wishful thinking.  We'll see what happens.

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