Musing Monday

Not sure I can Muse today...too tired, too stressed.  I'm officially on the home stretch with my Thesis - Due July 14th and I am having a mild panic attack day about it.  This is probably made worse by the fact that I have only have 3 hrs of sleep as hubby and I went to a concert last night and then miss kitty decided that 4:45 was an awesome time to wake me up.

Then again maybe this is the perfect catalyst for some musing.  I'm feeling out of touch with nature at the moment and I'm sure that this is contributing to my general stress levels.  I haven't really been outside much in the last 2 months.  I sit on the deck some weekends while I study but sitting on the deck in our complex of town homes does not exactly constitute getting in touch with nature.  Basically my days consist of getting up, going to work and sitting at a desk for 9 hrs, coming home and making dinner then sitting at a desk for several more hours with a trip to the gym occasionally thrown in (I study on the cross trainer at the gym too).  So I'm not exactly getting a lot of down time to center and re-connect and I think its taking its toll.  Yep, I've even slacked off on meditating in the afternoons for 5-10 mins and grounding in the shower in the morning.  But as I sit here and think about it, I'm reminded (yet again) that I know these things help and yet I let them slip. I'm sure I'm not the only one guilty of this.  I know better, yet it is always hard to do better.

So here's my Monday musing - if you want to have balance in your life you have to create it.  Simple, obvious, something I am abundantly aware of and yet still constantly in need of the reminder.  So my goal - stop letting school be my life right now.

Thankful Thursday

This week I am thankful for...

1. Coffee - yep, a running theme in my weekly thanks.
2. Sunshine - somehow just sitting in it, even if one is studying, just makes things more bearable
3. Date night/days - taking the time to spend time with the hubby.  
4. Supportive friends - who check in on me during crazy thesis time to make sure I haven't disappeared under the enormous pile of books I'm referencing.
5. Last, but in no way least - I'm hugely thankful for NZ immigration.  More specifically for the news that hubby's residency visa is still valid and that we can move back to NZ whenever we are ready.  This is not only awesome for the simple fact that we loved living in NZ and can't wait to go back, but because choosing NZ over Australia means a) I don't have to go through the stress of once again doing visa applications (I've done 3 thus far in my life and they don't get easier over time).  b) A much cheaper process - its $190ish dollars to transfer his visa from an old passport to a new one as opposed to the $2000 it was going to cost to do the Australian visa.  

Musing Monday

Well it is hard for my brain to 'muse' on anything other than school work right now.  I've been thinking a lot about perceptions lately, how we perceive ourselves and whether it is possible to find our true selves.  It seems to me that it is almost impossible to cast off the perceptions of those around us.  That when we try to define ourselves we find ourselves doing so in relation to what we wish to be according to other people.  We see people we revere and we thing 'I want to be more like them' but is that being more yourself or someone else?  We can sit in awe of the radiance that emanates from certain people and think to ourselves that is what I want to be like.  Once again, is that our true selves?  Is that the true them?  Are we perceiving what they want us to perceive hiding the truth from the outside world?  How does one know when someone is being genuine   How does one become a genuine reflection of themselves?  When do we know what is us and what is a image we aspire to?  When does what we aspire to become our true selves?  Can we change who we are?  On what levels?

Thankful Thursday

This week I am thankful for...

1. Rain - it is needed and I do so love a gloomy rainy day every now and then.
2. My Chiropractor and Massage Therapist - between the 2 they are preventing me from being in a lot of pain while I do my thesis.
3. Amazon - the ability to get a hold of books with 2 day delivery and second hand books all in one place is immensely helpful for the thesis.
4. Sleep - I'm trying to get a little more of that, although the sleep, work, school balance is still a work in progress.
5. A stress free hubby - he's much nicer to be around.  Although I'm very jealous he is done with his Masters now.

Ostara 2013

Well it is a gloomy rainy spring equinox today and I love it.  Don't get me wrong, I love sunshine I even love spring (except for the whole allergy thing) but I also love a dark rainy day when the earth is a little quieter, and you have time to pause.  Everyone seems to move a little slower on those days, be a little quieter, it is a chance for us and for the earth to just breathe, take in nourishment and prepare for the blossoming ahead.  We need the rain too, which doesn't hurt :)  I'll admit that I prefer studying on days like today as well because I don't have to look outside and see the sunshine and the world coming to life again and feel annoyed that I can't get out there and enjoy it.

I'm having issues connecting with Ostara this year, heck, I'm having issues connecting to much of anything right now.  This is the downside to doing one's thesis - your mindset gets so involved in the study and the stress that you tend to lose track of the world around you.  I couldn't even tell you what phase the moon was in right now without taking a look online, I barely note the passing of time either. What sucks the most about this is my body, my soul, my very being is tugging at me, demanding quite vocally that now is the time to cast off and dive deep, to explore and nurture, to embrace the dark and find my own light and yet I'm having to put it off.  Just a little longer, just until school is done - and I know, deep down do I know, that something is waiting for me, she isn't happy about waiting, and she's going to make me pay for putting her on the back burner.  I'm going to be worked hard, no gentle exploration, no easy ride.  But what can I do.  So I do what I can, the little things to keep me connected, and I acknowledge her presence in the peripheral, and I will surrender myself to her lessons - as soon as I get my thesis done, and I hope she will be patient enough with me until then.

Spirit Doll Update

A while ago on a Witchy Wednesday posting I put information out there about the creation of spirit dolls.  Well last weekend I got together with some lovely 'sisters' and we each made a spirit doll.  It was a wonderful experience and each doll was truly unique and reflective of what we wanted to honor and manifest.

Here is my dark goddess/star goddess doll.

Musing Monday

Need this reminder at the moment, not only for my spiritual life but also for my life in general.  I have to remember that the craft is a practice and that practice is therefore required, and it wont always be perfect.  I have to remind myself that no matter how insanely busy I am I always feel better if I take the time out to connect to my spiritual side.  If I can just begin, take the first step towards a spiritual act each day it will get easier.  

I also have to remember this with my thesis - I am feeling so overwhelmed by it all, lost and unsure exactly how to start and where to begin and I know that once I get going it will all become clear but that first step is always so fard to take.